Ending Ageism Begins With Me

“What’s her address?” asked the salesperson, looking at me, as she punched in the information required to open a store account for my mother. I pointedly looked at my mother who rattled off her address. “What’s her phone number?” Same routine. Finally, the last straw: “What’s her social security number?”

I replied, “I haven’t the faintest idea. Why don’t you ask her directly since she is, after all, (a) the customer and (b) standing right in front of you?” I was very proud of myself until the salesperson, again looking at me, smiled and asked if I would like the items in a bag or on the hangers.

My mother is eighty-one, in good health, and in full possession of her mental faculties. She is not invisible.

I attended a workshop on the subject of ageism at Legal Assistance for Seniors’ 2006 Elder Abuse Conference, and confess I had not given the subject much thought before that time. I now realize that ageism—like racism and sexism—is prejudice and discrimination against a whole category of people. There are many sources, unending examples, and it begins at a young age.

“Come give your old grandma a big hug,” I said to four-year-old Sophie. She gave me a big hug and said in her most reassuring voice, “Grandma, you’re not old.” (pause) “You’re just kind of old.”

I am not typical of the old granny stereotype; yet my young granddaughter understood the shame imposed by modern society on a large segment of its members who are forced to endure prejudice and discrimination simply because of their age. I don’t know when “old” begins, but I do know that I have been guilty of perpetuating the Myth of the Frail Elder in Cognitive Decline.

I’m training myself to recognize ageism when I hear or see it. Here are a few examples of ageism to think about:

Consider the jokes, cartoons, and birthday cards about older people that you have enjoyed. While they may be funny, they are based on negative stereotypes.

Commonly used phrases such as “over the hill” denote old age as a period of impotency and incompetency.

I often hear young people referring to elderly people as “cute.” My dry cleaner greeted an octogenarian customer with, “Hello there, young lady!”

Entertainment personalities such as Bill Maher on HBO’s Real Time with Bill Maher, somewhat past adolescence himself, continues to rail on the subject of Republican presidential hopeful John McCain’s age. “McCain is young if you consider 150 to be the new 130,” might be good for ratings, but is also good at promoting ageism.

The interesting thing about this particular form of prejudice is that everyone practicing it, unless they die at a young age, will get the chance to experience it. We need an attitude shift to see old age not as a time to fear, but a time to relax and empower others with the knowledge and wisdom we’ve gained on our personal journeys.

Above all, we need to remember that as long as we consider it embarrassing to be called old, it will be embarrassing to be old.

-Susan Williams, LAS Development Director-